


How to Care for Your Iwa-chan(TM)

by volleyball_crow



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, Fluff and Crack, Gen, M/M, here have a handy guide, if you have recently purchased an Iwa-chan(TM) you're going to need it, in other words, it is Oikawa-san-approved!, it was created by the world's greatest Iwa-chan expert, this is the official guide brought to you by AobaJohsai INC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-17
Updated: 2015-12-17
Packaged: 2018-05-07 05:27:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5444915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/volleyball_crow/pseuds/volleyball_crow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Good evening, and thank you for contacting us.</p><p>Your order has been processed and your <i>Iwa-chan™</i>  is now being prepared for shipment. Please refer to the email we have sent you for the tracking information. Your <i>Iwa-chan™</i>  should arrive within the next twenty business days. </p><p>Thank you for your purchase.</p><p>  <b>AobaJōsai Inc.</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Care for Your Iwa-chan(TM)

**#1:** Iwa-chans have a tendency to be too stiff and serious. Lighten up his day with some jokes and poke fun at him! He’ll kick you, of course, but he’ll be smiling inside!

**#2:** Exercise is very important. Keep your Iwa-chan healthy with regular doses of volleyball practice. Iwa-chans also like doing weights, but be careful to interrupt him when he’s overdoing it. Sitting on his lap usually does the trick.

**#3:** Properly document him growing up! Iwa-chan needs to know he’s loved, and what better way to do this than take photos at every opportunity? At school. At training camps. When he’s eating. When he’s sleeping. When he’s in the shower.

**#3.5:** Apparently the shower is off-limits. (keep those in a private folder)

**#4:** A really angry Iwa-chan is a silent, cold Iwa-chan that ignores you and doesn’t eat much. If you can’t apologize yet, or if he won’t talk to you yet, make sure you find some way to ensure he’s eating enough. Leaving snacks in his room or getting other people to feed him are both good strategies.

**#5:** Sad or worried Iwa-chans try to hide it, but they frown more than usual and look down thoughtfully at their hands more often. Be annoying in his general vicinity until he’s either ready to talk about it, or relieves some stress by exploding at you.

**#6:** Sometimes people will get jealous and try to bully Iwa-chan. Keep an eye on things when he’s, ah, _dealing_ with them. Iwa-chan is very thorough when it comes to bullies. Buuuut - sometimes he’ll go easy on some bullies, and they’ll start planning things again. Have a quiet _talk_ with them later. Watch Iwa-chan’s back.

**#7:** Happy Iwa-chans will let you cuddle at home, and play video games with you, and perfectly spike all your sets, and smile a lot. Always do your best to keep your Iwa-chan a happy Iwa-chan. This is also the perfect time to pull pranks on him, because he won’t be expecting it.

**#7.5:** He’s always expecting it. Don’t ever start a prank war with your Iwa-chan, he’s vicious.

**#8:** Don’t forget that your Iwa-chan doesn’t like tomatoes. Don’t bring attention to this; just sneakily transfer them to your plate. You may also take anything else you like from his plate as payment for your generous deed. 

**#9:** Your Iwa-chan has very strong parental instincts - make sure to let him scold you and look after you. He needs to know you need him, and since that happens to be true, you’ll both be happy.

**#10:** Iwa-chans are good with girls, and they like him. Keep the attention of the female populace on you at all times.

**#11:** Do not forget to teach your Iwa-chan how to loosen up. Kidnap him on the weekends and take him to do fun, exciting activities without warning him in advance. Like bungee jumping.

**#12:** don’t take him and the team to paintball FORFUCK’S SAKE DON’T TAKE HIMT O PAINTBALL

**Author's Note:**

> This was written a while ago but I forgot to post it on AO3. As usual, I'm doing it now mostly for archiving purposes, since [tumblr](volleyball-crow.tumblr.com) is not really up to the task, haha.
> 
> Fun frequent tags on this were: "I WANT ONE", "I'LL HAVE TWENTY", "TAKE MY MONEY". xD
> 
> Unfortunately Iwa-chans are not actually for sale. =(


End file.
